THESE TWO JUST MADE IT PAST THE CENSORS. JUST!

Now you would think that these two short stories are from my good mate Paddy however I must confess that they were sent to me by my daughter. What is the world coming to? Maybe she just wants me to make sure her horse runs a good race tomorrow? I guess with a wedding coming up soon, it is in my best financial interest more than hers for the horse to perform well.

Here they are, simple and cute.


The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making'
with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the
balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street
activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board!

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a root!!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'!!!

Followed by: (I am not racist honest!)
***********************************************************************
The Greek Priest is Leaving


At the regular Sunday morning service, father George announced
that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would
pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to
leave, because he is so popular.

Costa, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims
"If father George stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes
every year and his wife with a Honda CRV to transport their
children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Dimitri, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says,
"If father George will stay on here, I'll personally double his
salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee a free
university education for his children!" More sighs and loud
applause.

Maria, age 68, stands and announces with a smile, "If father
George stays, I will give him sex!" There is total silence.

Father George, blushing, asks her: "Maria, you're a wonderful
and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"

Maria’s 70-year old husband, Vasillis, is now trying to hide,
holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his
head from side to side, while his wife replied,

I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: "Fuck
him."


BUT THIS ONE IS FROM PADDY.
Its an olie but still gets a laugh and its clean? ENJOY!


> A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present
> for his new girlfriend.
>
> They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in
> Scotland ..
>
> Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful
> consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the
> right note... not too romantic and not too personal.
>
> Off he went with his sister to Harrod's and they selected a dainty pair
> of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy
> knickers for herself at the same time.
>
> Harrod's had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two
> items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the
> knickers...
>
> Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the
> following letter.
>
>
> Dear Maggie,
>
> I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we
> go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have
> chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which
> are easier to remove).
>
> These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed
> me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly
> noticed any marks.
>
> I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
> though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub
> against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed
> to wash it since she began wearing them.
>
> I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
> many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you
> again.
>
> When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because
> they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
>
> Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming
> year.
>
> I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
>
> All my love,
>
> Chris
>
> P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down
> with a little bit of fur showing.
>