COMPUTER FUNNIES

Now I have to say, over the years I have advanced slowly from knowing where the on/off button is, to being able to upload and download as well as being able to send emails. I did get a great laugh out of some of the following snippets sent to me by my darling daughter of course. Not sure if she was trying to tell me something after over-hearing me talking to technical support a few nights ago!!! I am sure there is one here for everyone.

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?


Female customer: A white one...


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Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

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Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

THREE FOR NORTHAM

On what is shaping as a cold wet windy winters day, we will be heading up to Northam later today to try and break the frustrating run of placings and below par performances we have endured of late. The past few months have been very quiet for our stable with quality winners hard to find. The three runners we have engaged at Northam today are all entitled to run very forward races and are all capable of finishing in the placings.

DESTROID and CANNY TOUCH are both racing first up after pleasing in recent trials and both should be hitting the line hard at the end of their respective races. Both will improve on what the do today and both will be better placed at 1200-1400m. ANDRETTI has had a couple chances to break his maiden status without doing so and again gets his chance in what is a fairly even field. There is no doubt that he has been a bit of a pretender, being a handsome son of Exceed and Excel who has promised plenty but delivered little in his time with my stables. If he doesn't break through soon he will be looking for a new home, possibly in Kalgoorlie or Albany.

After having a disappointing run during the winter months we have decided to move on a number of horses which are not performing and concentrate on the young horses coming through.

GUYNO ENJOYING SHORT FRESHEN UP

2009 Perth Cup winner GUYNO is enjoying a few weeks of R&R before we begin to step up his work in preparation for another trip east. GUYNO had only two starts during his winter campaign however this was by design. There were no ideal races available for him where he wouldn't have to carry the grandstand so it was always planned to give him a light preparation. The horse performed well and looked in great order when we eased off on him and I can't wait for him to return to my stables and have his work stepped up.

We still haven't finalised his program however there are some ideal races in the 2000m and upwards range which will suit him down to the ground. I haven't ruled out another crack at the Melbourne Cup with him however we will assess his form as he gets closer before we make a decision. I feel that the horse has improved even further since his Perth Cup win and I confident that he will play a major part in some big races this preparation.

GUYNO is likely to have one or two runs in Perth before we look at heading east with him. A lack of ideal races on the local calendar may mean we head east earlier than I would prefer. If he stays here he would have to go to the Goldfields for a couple of runs which is not the ideal.