ONE FOR MY GREEK MATE THE DOC!

After he reads this I am certain that my dear old greek mate Dr John will want me to refer to him as "TONTO." I got a laugh out of it.
**********************************************************************

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport Terminal 5 for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business, I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even
know your name!'

'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadimitriou, but my friends call me Paddy.'

Billy Thorpe I Told the Brook.wmv

One of my all time favourite "AUSSIE GOLDEN OLDIE." Shame I can't get it on DVD.I can get Marty Robbins version on DVD but not this one. Enjoy!

WHY TEACHERS DRINK. AND TRAINERS!!!

GUYNO BACK ON TRACK.

Stable favourite and obviously punters favourite GUYNO, has recovered from his slight setback and is back on target for the carnival races.

GUYNO was a late scratching last weekend after he was found to have a slightly high temperature the day prior to the race. We made sure we erred on the safe side with the old boy especially considering he didn't really need the run. He was back full of bounce the next day and he is keen to get back to the races.

I have been pleasantly surprised over the past few days as to just how many people have inquired as to his condition and welfare. It would appear that there are many punters out there who genuinely love the horse nearly as much as me but considering his honesty, his longevity and his consistency, I can understand why he is such a favourite. Don't underestimate him in the 2011 Cup.

THREE FOR ASCOT ON SATURDAY

BASKERVILLE STREET wins impressively at Belmont earlier this year.

Tomorrow we head to the races with three runners, all with a few things against them but all capable of turning in top performances.

Our first runner SENTOFF has drawn one from the outside in an 1100m 3yo dash. While the horse is dropping back 100m from his impressive first up run which suggested he would be better suited over more ground, the horse has sharpened up nicely with the experience and I expect to see him hitting the line strongly at the end of the race.



ALMOHAD winning on Perth Cup day earlier this year.

Our next runner ALMOHAD takes on a smart field of sprinters in the 1500m R J Peters Stakes and he is only rated a very rough chance by the form assessors. ALMOHAD ran a below par first up race however there were many things against him on that occasion. The horse over-raced in the middle stages especially when the pace slowed and then was caught flat footed when the tempo increased with about 600m to go. He did go to the races a fair bit above himself. He has never been a first up performer however we did expect him to hit the line stronger than he did. Considering the Perth Cup is his main target for this campaign, I would expect to see steady improvement with each run from here on in and don't be surprised by a big performance tomorrow.

My last runner BASKERVILLE STREET is racing first up after enjoying a very good winter campaign and her work suggests that she hasn't gone backwards. The mare will be aimed at the Mares series of races during the carnival and she only need a bit of luck to pick up some black type. She has drawn the extreme outside tomorrow and Jason Whiting will need to use all his skill and ability to put her into a winning position. She will hit the line strongly.

We may be going to the races with three roughies but don't underestimate any of them!!

NO I AM NOT RACIST BUT THIS ONE WAS TAME ENOUGH TO PASS THE CENSORS!

GHOST SEX

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from back there I thought you said "Goats."

(Blame my dear friend Patrick for this one. Personally I prefer mine done in the pizza oven!)

ONE LETTER CAN MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE TO A BLOKES LIFE

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other
monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies,
not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,
pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy,
it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that
hasn't been opened for hundreds of years..
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot..

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
'We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, Father?'

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'...The word was...

CELEBRATE!!!'

ONE LETTER CAN MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN A BLOKES LIFE!

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other
monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies,
not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,
pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy,
it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that
hasn't been opened for hundreds of years..
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot..

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
'We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, Father?'

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'...The word was...

CELEBRATE!!!'

HOW GOOD ARE THESE BLOKES???? TAKE A LOOK!

A CHEAP SHOT FROM A GOOD MATE. IT DID MAKE ME LAUGH

Life can be summarized in 4 bottles....



Shit!!! We're on #3!

ONE TWO THREE AT ASCOT YESTERDAY.

I am certainly not getting carried away with yesterdays pleasing results at Ascot however the first, second and third placings all at nice prices which were delivered by my runners was a pleasant change from our recent form. Every stable goes through rebuilding seasons and we have had our backs to the wall for a while now with so many two year olds coming through and so many unraced horses getting to the races for the first time.

Although our horses have been consistently been in the placings of late, the winners have not been as regular as we would like. I have no doubt that this will all change over the next few months as we work our way through all the two year olds and we establish a more seasoned team of racing horses.
Like the ad says, "it may not happen overnight but it will happen!!!!"

AMELIAS DANCER MAKES IT TWO STRAIGHT

Lightly raced four year old AMELIA'S DANCER made it two wins on the trot and his third from only seven starts when he won in impressive style at yesterdays damp Ascot meeting. The horse stepped up to 1600m for the first time for this preparation and although he was forced to cover extra ground throughout, he still hit the line in authoritative style.

AMELIA'S DANCER has always shown that he has some genuine ability and he will continue to improve with each campaign. I would have no doubt in saying that the best is yet to be seen from him and that is not likely for another twelve months. I also expect the horse to improve further when he steps out over a bit more ground.

The horse has come a long way from the days when I broke him in down at Amelia Park Farm just over two years ago. Back then he was very timid and very touchy but he was a great worker in the round yard suggesting even back then that he could be something a bit better than average when he matured.

His owners are spread far and wide around the state and overseas however I don't think they forgot to have a little on the big boy yesterday at the very juicy odds.

NO MORE FEEL GOOD STORIES

After my last posting it has been decided that there will be no more "feel good" stories posted on this site in the future. Fair dinkum, a bloke posts a few lines about a slow horse and a heart broken female staff member and all hell breaks loose.

Between text messages and countless phone calls from teary female friends of Sarah, I looked like having to build an ark to save myself from being washed away by all the water works. I have never in my life known a story about a slow horse to have such an emotional effect on so many.

In future I have decided that only stories which do not arouse any emotion will be posted on this site! Otherwise I will either have to buy a dinghy or improve my swimming ability. (Bloody sooky sheila's!!!)