BACK WHEN LIFE AND HUMOUR WERE BOTH FAR MORE SIMPLE!!!!

Abbott & Costello discussing the Stimulus Package.

Now Paddy this one had no problem passing the Censor. I like it.

A GOOD DAY AT THE OFFICE

Even though we only one the one race at Belmont on Saturday, it was a very good day all round for the stable with our other two runners both running second.

BASKERVILLE STREET and AMELIAS TIGER both ran top class races and both suggest that they will derive a lot of benefit from the run and both should be hard to beat in similar races at their next starts.

BASKERVILLE STREET showed that she is probably looking for 1400m and AMELIAS DANCER is likely to step up to 2100m at his next start. The horse has shown that he could be at his best over a middle distance and we will use the next couple of starts to assess whether or not he is likely to measure up as a horse to target the Kalgoorlie round with later this year.

As we head towards the end of the season I am very happy with the way the stable has performed so far this season and I look forward to the upcoming season with a nice crop of two year olds about to turn three and some interesting types amongst our yearling brigade. Hopefully we can keep the current run of success going when the new partnership of L.P. & D.M. LUCIANI takes over the training of the horses.

A VERY BONNY LAD INDEED

Smart2yo gelding MY BONNY LAD with Daniel Staeck on board, shows some real fighting qualities as he holds off all challengers to win first up at Belmont on Saturday.(Photo courtesy Hollands Photographics)



On Saturday we stepped out what could well be one of our better two year olds for the season in a horse called MY BONNY LAD. The horse had raced once back in early February before joining my stable and on that occasion he ran a great race to run second to one of the better two year olds going around at the time. There was no doubt that the horse had above average ability.

From the time the horse joined my stables he has always shown that he could develop into a handy performer for us and the win on Saturday certainly confirmed that. Aided by a good barrier draw and a nice ride from stand in jockey Daniel Staeck, the horse was able to enjoy a good run throughout before holding off a determined challenge from the favourite over the closing stages.

Daniel Staeck was lucky to pick up the ride as his regular track jockey Clint Harvey is suspended as was stable jockey Jason Whiting. Next in line for the ride was Jason Brown who also helps out at track work. Unfortunately for him, he had a prior commitment. It really was a case of being in the right place at the right time for Daniel who has ridden many winners for the stable over the years.

MY BONNY LAD may have one more run before he has a short spell or he may go straight to the paddock so that he can have a good break before he is prepared for the summer carnival. Even this far out I would have to say that he gives every indication of being a leading Guineas candidate.

ONLY IN AMERICA.... WELL MAYBE AUSTRALIA AS WELL.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


I have a few mates in the legal profession who may relate to these!!!!!

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I WILL ALLOW THIS ONE PADDY.....ONLY JUST

What A Coincidence!!!!





A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne...

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'


'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.


'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'


'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile,
but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'


'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.


The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'